I'm not a writer. My words won't inspire anyone... they don't inspire me.
I found out a few days ago my father has cancer, liver cancer, a bad form of it, I feel the prognosis is poor but I use all my mental craftiness to remain positive.
I'm selfish I know, my fear my suffering, are not for my father, they're for myself... I don't understand his suffering, i don't try to, if I'm to be honest... I'm consumed by my own fears, my own doubts.
I look at his belly and I see cancer, I see cells growing out of control destroying his body. I want to reach in with my hands and pull them out, I want to scream and blame someone, I want to take it and put it on somebody else because my father my dad doesn't deserve this. He's a great man. Loyal, proud, honest, loving, smart, funny, joyous, whatever other positive description you can find about a person you can associate with my father...
I don't want to see him go, I want to be here I want him to experience my life...
my my my, this is my pain, my fear, my suffering...
I cry, I hurt, why can't I feel for him, why can't my mind grasp what he feels
2 comments:
You demean yourself. You are a writer and you do inspire.
Your words do inspire...
I just read the past few post you wrote and I am so touched with your words. My heart also goes out to you and your family for your loss. This past year I had 4 loved ones pass away, so I know how heavy it feels. Words can't explain how one feels when a loved one passes. Especially when you have seen them in pain...you know they are in a better place now, but it still hurts... our loved ones that have passed will always be with us... I feel their presence with me all the time.
I hope you are doing well in your own medical journey. Take care.
Yaneth R
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